Before coming to Spain I was pretty confident about my status as a fabu-lite, but that was before I had become like at least 50% more fabulous here; by my standards of course, and really that's all that matters, dahhhhh. Laura, [aka Kamp, aka the roomie] and I were talking the other day about how we are truly going to miss this place. And really its not because we love Spain so much physically, as we love the memories and the possibilities connected to our time spent here.
Signing up for an abroad tour is only a semester commitment, and with stories from friends and acquaintances you are sure that the experience will be amazing, and the times will be good to you. But when you leave a life behind that you know so well, you really can't imagine the degree of anxiety until your sitting in a plane flying across a vast ocean, alone. I didn't come here with a program via my school or with a companion, I came here alone. Unaware of what I was really getting myself into I got up the courage to do something for myself that I hoped would impact my life forever and that it has.
Day one I literally slept in a bed next to a stranger, and within weeks time we developed a friendship that usually would take months if not years to progress. Within the same matter of weeks, myself and four other women formed a bond. A bond that would get us through our time here in Spain and with these relationships, so much more was accomplished.
We have laughed and cried together, traveled together, slept in the same beds and on sidewalks under the same night sky, had quite a few scares, made some horrific life choices, fallen for guys, acessed life decisions and so much more. But one thing we never did during the course of our relationship was cast judgment on one another. Unless you have been here, you cannot relate to the feeling of utter liberation knowing that you are in a place where no one will judge you or your life, no matter what the circumstance. To know that people are willing to be there to pick you up when you fall, dust you off, and keep it moving. This is a lifestyle choice that we all made in order to be who we needed to be for eachother but this is equally a theory that the Spanish people have taught us. ...When your riding a metro and see an 80 year old woman rocking blue hair, blue lipstick and white pants you should really be enthrawled by the freedom she pocesses to do her without concern for sideways looks. When a couple makes out on the middle of a side walk, or no one turns their head when there is a walk of shame parade on a Friday morning metro ride, you know that you are in a culture that doesn't care about what everyone else is doing. Here...
I told my most intimate secrets during a never have I ever game,
I took of my swim top at a beach with my friend,
I offered to look at a vagina to determine its welfare,
I told a friend that a man who makes a million mistakes is still worth a second chance,
I showed my girls nude photos of myself,
I shared more TMI moments than I thought possible,
I took a few for the team,
I stayed up late to listen to stories about people I never met,
I agreed that taking up smoking didn't equate to a life fail,
I friended numerous individuals within minutes of meeting,
I inhaled more second hand smoke than I knew I could,
I danced to music I hate,
I ate more carbs than I should have,
and
I was never afraid to be me.
And hey maybe I did make some poor life choices, but its better to have lived and learned than to have never lived at all.
Like Laura said, when my kids ask me what I did when I was young, I will tell them that I would have done it all if I could, because I was open to anything, I was never afraid to step outside the box, and dance naked in the rain. I most importantly learned that the concept of judging others only means having too much concern for choices that are not my own. I was young in Spain and I lived young in Spain, I did the type of things that you can only do in your 20's, and I am ready for this course to wind further. Because once you've really lived, the alternatives don't really compare. This is the time in your life where you have to find yourself, through yourself, not by means of societal views and you cannot get what that means until you do. Being content shouldn't be an option, nothing less than epic seems feasible. So when I say that I have changed, its not a question of whether its been for the good, the answer is that it's been for me.
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